


Red Solo Cup

by Trochan03



Series: Not Another Reincarnation Fic [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidentally Outing Oneself, Because I can, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Hatake Kakashi is a good friend, Hatake Kakashi is a little full of himself, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ibiki needs to relax, Ibiki thinks OFC is sus, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tags Contain Spoilers, This is only the beginning, at least Tsunade comes by it honestly, brought to you by too much caffeine and not enough sleep, but it's deserved, drinking is bad, everyone deserves to treat themselves at least once, everything in moderation, gambling is also bad, go get a shave or a facial or something, it'll change your life, lgbtq character(s), made-up historical sites, poor landscaping choices, seriously, so much crack, there will be more, this might actually be barber porn, when done in excess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28602372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trochan03/pseuds/Trochan03
Summary: They're cheap and disposable, and in 14 years just might be decomposable.~~~~~In other words, this is where all Alt Perspectives, AU Scenes, and Omakes from my NARF series (still really wish I had planned that) will be posted. Tags will be updated accordingly.Official Disclaimer: I hold no rights to the song or lyrics of Toby Keith's Red Solo Cup. I just think it's randomly fabulous and fitting.
Series: Not Another Reincarnation Fic [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087316
Comments: 12
Kudos: 85





	1. Ibiki's Trip to the Salon

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto and all of it's characters are still owned and created by Kishimoto, I'm just having fun borrowing playing around with them for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Taking Chances, Chapter 2: Everyone Likes a Spa Day, Ibiki's perspective!

Morino Ibiki did not miss the way the young woman’s eyes widened when she turned and looked him, despite the way her smile stayed frozen on her face. He had been hearing quite a bit about this Imai Momoka over the last few weeks. She was one of the first to move to Konoha under the Godaime Hokage’s plan to boost the economy with new civilian businesses. 24, unmarried, from a small farming village not far from Konoha. Pretty, but not enough to stand out too much, and average height and build for a civilian. She was offering high-end luxury services and products in which she has no formal apprenticeship in (she had never even been outside of her village before she moved to Konoha, he had checked), and at suspiciously low prices before factoring in her offered “shinobi discount”. There was also the report of her asking around about various chemicals at the hospital that came across his desk several weeks back. He didn’t trust it. After having the place staked out for the last week he decided it was time for him to come in and see for himself.

The young woman before him seemed to realize she was staring and pulled herself out of it, smile widening into one that crinkled her eyes, “Good afternoon, shinobi-san. My name is Imai Momoka, how may I be of service to you?”

“Morino Ibiki. I hear you provide shaving services.” Her eyes widened almost imperceptivity. Or at least it would have been to anyone else. ‘So, she knows who I am. Curious.’

“Yes, of course, Morino-san. Face shaving services start at 500 ryo, and head shaves at 350 ryo. That is, of course, before the Shinobi Discount which is 10% off total services. I have an opening now, if you would like it, or I could schedule you in for an appointment at a better time for you?”

“A head shave, please, and now would be good, Imai-san,” he didn’t grow out what hair still grows on his head for the last week for no reason, after all.

“Excellent,” she chirps. “If you could please take off your coat, Morino-san, and your hitai-ate. There is space on the shelf under my station where you can put them. And please have a seat.”

He examines the service station as she pulls out supplies from the cupboard and neatly folds his coat before placing it in the indicated area and takes a seat. He makes sure to watch her reflection in the mirror as he takes off his hitai-ate, watching her eyes widen even more than before and hears her sharp intake of breath before she all but blurts out, “Holy shit, someone really ran you through the ringer, didn’t they?”

Her brain seems to catch up to her mouth as she flushes bright red, stumbling over her words, “I mean —shit— gods! I am so sorry, Morino-san, I shouldn’t have said that!”

Ibiki can’t help the chuckle that escape his lips at her seemingly honest flustering as he smirks, “It’s okay, Imai-san. I can imagine it’s very shocking for a civilian. It’s fairly shocking to most shinobi too.”

Some of the tenseness seems to leave her with his assurance that he’s not upset, a small flicker of a smile flashing across her face almost as if she had just thought of something amusing, and begins to gently examine his head. After a minute and forty-seven seconds Imai-san straightens back up seeming to have come to a decision.

“Ok, Morino-san, I’m going to start by wrapping this towel around your neck to help protect your clothing and keep any hair, product, or water from going down the back of your neck. Let me know if it’s uncomfortable in any way.” Ibiki tenses slightly as she does so, looking for any intent to cause harm in her motions. “Now I’m going to do the same with this drape to protect the rest of your clothing and clip it in place. All good?”

As the drape is secure but not tight around his neck it is not too uncomfortable, so he nods an affirmative.

“Perfect, now let me get the hot towel ready.” She pulls a damp looking towel from the mini-fridge looking container down below and taps the corners against her wrists before waving it out. His eyes narrow at the movement. ‘Curious.’

“Now, before I continue, do you have any skin sensitivities or allergies that I should be aware of?”

He’s subtly watching her every movement curiously as she taps her wrists with the towel again, “No, nothing I can think of.”

“Great! Now I’m going to put this towel on your head, it will help soften the hair and open up the pores of your skin for the treatment. Let me know right away if it’s too hot,” she smiles again before delicately wrapping towel around his head completely. It’s very relaxing, he finds, almost like being in an onsen with its damp heat. “That needs to sit for a few minutes, so I’m going to go grab the products I need for your service. Be right back!”

He watches as she walks back to the cupboards to gather various supplies, laying them out with the precision and order of someone who has done this many, many times. The confidence she displays sets him a little more at ease, at the very least she is not unpracticed and scamming citizens by charging for services she doesn’t know.

‘But how does she know? If she never left that village how could she have received this level of trai—‘ A tub of product is held out to him, interrupting his thoughts.

“This is the shaving cream that I will be using on you today. All of my products I have made myself using ingredients from the local apothecary, which are listed on the side.” He memorizes the ingredients of all the products she shows him. It all sounds correct from what he knows, but it wouldn’t hurt to run it by a medic later to be sure. Setting down the products, she turns to finish preparing towels and the razor.

He watches her intently as she strops the razor and prepares the lather before removing the towel from his head and applying one of the products, the motions soothing on his scarred scalp. “Let me know if at any time it becomes too much.”

Ibiki subconsciously starts to relax under her touch and the methodical application and reapplication of product and hot towels. He barely tenses as he watches with half-lidded eyes as she pulls out the razor and begins the shave, finishing with another hot towel to wipe off any remaining lather.

Another product is dabbed across his freshly shaven skin, giving it a pleasant tingling, almost stinging sensation. She warms the final product it between her hands before placing it onto his skin and beginning what has to be the best scalp massage of Ibiki’s life. Granted, it’s the first scalp massage he’s ever received, but that’s neither here nor there. All he knows is that it’s is taking all his years of shinobi training to keep from making it vocally known how amazing it truly feels as he completely succumbs to her touch, firm and soft in all the right places.

What feels like hours later, yet all too soon, despite his internal clock insisting that it’s been 15 minutes since she started the massage, he feels Imai-san’s hands feather off from the back of his neck. “If you’re ready, Morino-san, I’m going to un-drape you now,” she gently murmurs just loud enough to be heard, and his eyes snap back open.

‘When the hell did I close my eyes?’ He lightly clears his throat. “Yes, Imai-san. Thank you.”

He tries to gather himself from the stupor he fell into as she un-drapes him and gathers all of the linens into the laundry basket, returning to gather the products, brush and mug and walk back over to the shampoo station. Ibiki reties his hitai-ate and put his coat back on with slow, languid motions, unable to completely shake the relaxed drowsiness left behind by the treatment. He watches her put the product away before she rinses the cup and brush and leaves them to soak momentarily in the sink and turn back to him when he clears his throat again.

“So how much do I owe you?” He’s not sure how to feel about how thick his voice sounds.

“Just 315 ryo, Morino-san,” she smiles knowingly.

‘What is she trying to pull?’ He knows that there’s no way that a service of that quality could truly be that inexpensive, “That’s all?”

“Well, I may have given you a bit of an upgrade to a luxury shave, since I just didn’t feel right charging you full price for less than half the work, and then with the discount…yeah, 315,” she confirms.

Mildly bewildered, he leaves the payment on her station and walks out hearing her called “please come again” follow him out the door. ‘Yes,’ he thinks, ‘I might need to come…investigate…here again further.’

And if any shinobi happen to witness a slightly dazed Morino Ibiki leaving the new Shizukesa Salon, no one ever mentions it. At least, not in his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to go up a couple days ago with the corresponding chapter, but technical difficulties happened. Tried to keep from having too much repetitive phrasing, but it may have happened anyways while I was editing the two side by side.


	2. The Shodaime's Garden of "Love and Devotion"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Tsunade walks into the small garden, Sakura by her side, and notices the historian giving a tour of the gardens to a young civilian woman. The older woman is waxing on and on about the symbolism behind the placement of each flower, tree, and shrub to the poor girl. A snort of amusement escapes Tsunade and Sakura gives her a confused look.

“Shishou…?”

“I still can’t believe people really buy in to that ‘Garden of Love’ crap,” blonde pigtails sway as she shakes her head.

“If…Shodaime-sama didn’t create the garden out of love…then why?” the pink haired girl follows her mentor further into another part of the garden away from the civilians.

Tsunade gives her a wicked smile, “So the truth is…”

** 70 YEARS PRIOR **

“Mitoooo-chaaaan!!! ‘M shorryyy, Mito-chan….” Senju Hashirama cries into the night, words slurring from the copious amounts of sake he had earlier. He sways as he randomly grows plants in what used to be a training field outside his home in the Senju compound.

“Please, Hime-shaann!!! Forgive me, an’ lemme in….” another tree joins the growing collection, “ish so cold outside….sho cold….”

Tears run down his face in an ugly cry, and flowers join the new tree, “I shwear…swear, I’ll nev’r do it again….”

Inside the house a servant turns to a heavily pregnant Uzumaki Mito, “Hime-sama, perhaps we should—“

“No,” Mito interrupts sternly, “he stays outside until he sobers up again. Perhaps this time he will learn his lesson.”

No one in the Senju compound sleeps well that night as they listen to their drunken Clan Head plead with his fiery wife.

** PRESENT DAY **

“So everything here was grown by Hashirama-sama when he was…” Sakura trails off incredulously.

“In the doghouse with Obaa-sama for drinking, gambling, or, more usually, both,” Tsunade finishes for her with a laugh as they exit the garden once more.

Sakura can feel herself sweat drop, ‘Well, at least Tsunade-shishou comes by her temper and habits honestly…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The garden literally came into existence for this scene. I was trying to figure out actual places that a civilian could/would go sight-see in Konoha, and the list was unsurprisingly short. So I was bouncing ideas off my cousin, like "should I create a place, or leave it strictly canon? If I create a place, what should it be/what would realistically work?" And then I thought of the Rose Garden at the US Capitol here, and thought that a garden made by Hashirama might work, but why wouldn't it be well known in canon/to anyone but civilians. And then this whole thing with Hashirama drunk and in the doghouse popped into my head and I couldn't stop giggling.
> 
> So here it is! I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Well, That Was Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote this before the chapter and have been dying to post it. I hope you all enjoy this little peek into Kakashi's head!

Kakashi analyzed the woman standing next to Gai from around the edges of his Icha Icha. She was pretty, he supposed, with light olive skin, hazel eyes, and wavy dark auburn hair. Her tall geta left her just a couple inches shy from Kakashi’s own height, so he estimated her at about 5’5”, and her elegant kimono looked a little too nice for something to be worn for dinner with just a friend after work. ‘Like she’s trying to impress someone.’

“MY ETERNAL RIVAL!”

Kakashi internally winced, but made a show of lowering his book and “just noticing” Gai, giving him an apathetic wave as the pair approached him.

“Kakashi! This is Imai Momoka-san, the Youthful blossom who has brought such beauty to Konoha as never seen before!”

Imai-san blushed at Gai’s words and started to admonish him for “over praising her skill”, but Kakashi couldn’t help but notice that she couldn’t take her widened eyes off him. ‘Odd…’

First, glancing up at his hair. ‘Well, she does cut hair for a living.’

Then focusing in on his left eye, where his covered sharingan hid. ‘She seems to be trembling…she’s excited?’

Next down to his mask, ‘Why is she smiling like that? Like she knows something.’

Slowly down even further, ‘Is…is she checking me out?’

He would have been concerned about her being a spy or a plant, but when he looked into things he discovered that Ibiki was going in for weekly appointments, so she had to be completely clean otherwise she would already be in a T&I cell somewhere. But she obviously knows of him enough to recognize him on sight, which wouldn’t be that odd even for a civilian if she had been born and raised in Konoha. He knows his reputation in the Village perfectly well. But she is a civilian who has only been in the village for about six months now, so there’s no way she could have heard enough about him to recognize him from. Unless…

‘Wait,’ he frowned slightly behind his mask as something seemed to click for him, ‘Is she a fangirl?’

He has had plenty of fangirls try to get closer to the “mysterious Kakashi” through his friends in the past, but never had any targeted Gai before for this ploy. He could feel his anger start to rise on his friend’s behalf. ‘How dare she use Gai like that!’

He quickly lost track of the conversation as his thoughts spiraled into a pit of indignation and seething rage. ‘Quick, come up with something, anything to make her back off now. Nip it in the bud.’

“-ashi?”

“I’m gay,” he blurts out. The busy street around them seems to go still and quiet. ‘That was not what I meant to say. Of all the things, it had to be that. Why did it have to be that? Well, hopefully it will disgust her enough to make her stop using Gai.’

As casually as possible, Kakashi resumes “reading” his book and walks away, barely remembering to wave goodbye to his friend over his shoulder as he leaves. He needs to get home quickly so he can panic about accidentally publicly outing himself in isolation. ‘And I’m supposed to be a genius?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love socially awkward, not as collected as he seems Kakashi. And there will be more of him to come! *looks at notes* Oh, yes...so much more....

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! As always, all kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, and please remember to be kind to each other!


End file.
